How to Get Your Man to Change His Ways

People will tell you that, no matter how your boyfriend or husband behaves, you shouldn’t try to change him. To that, I say, “Bullshit.” Hear me out. I have some credibility here. First, I’m a man, and I know how reckless and foolish we can be. Second, I’m a bestselling author of relationship books and have been a frequent guest on Oprah and CNN. Lastly, I’m a psychotherapist who specializes in teaching women how to change the men in their life — to much success.

As a psychotherapist, I have spent years hearing women complain about the men in their lives. At first, I did what I was trained to do: give them empathy and help them see how their actions were responsible for how their man behaved. But it takes two to tango. It was often clear to me that the men in their lives were in need of some major repair. Yet, men don’t like being told what to do, so I looked for and studied how a few women actually do get the man in their life to happily change.

What Not to Do

Before going into how to get a man to want to change in beneficial ways, let’s discuss what not to do. To begin with, unless you’ve had great success in changing men, you should probably avoid doing everything you habitually do. What might you habitually do? For many women, when they don’t like their partner’s behavior, they do three things. They blame, they complain, and they shame. Let’s look…