How to Love the Alien You Live With

The bestseller, “Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus” detailed how men and women are so different that they may as well be from different planets. As a psychotherapist that focuses on couple’s counseling, I can definitely appreciate the book’s message. At the same time, the people I counsel — many of them committed spiritual seekers — don’t really get how different men and women really are. This lack of awareness of how different men and women really are creates a lot of unnecessary suffering.

In case you think men and women are just a little bit different in their perception of reality, here’s a statistic that will startle you: When asked, “How long has it been since you felt afraid for your life?” men and women came up with very different answers. The average answer from men was, “Nine years.” The average answer from women was, “Two days.” That’s an average difference of 164 thousand percent! If you’re a man, imagine being afraid you might die or be irrevocably harmed every two days. If you’re a woman, imagine not being concerned about your physical safety for nine years. Those are two totally different realities.

In general, we tend to think the opposite sex is kind of like us, just a bit crazier or not as smart. In actuality, evolution has led us to have different brains, different needs, and different ways of relating to what we call “reality.” By understanding how…