The Cosmic Canine Coronavirus Conspiracy

There are a lot of conspiracy theories going around about how this virus got started and what might be their perverse motivation. Well, I have a new theory. It’s based on a “conversation” I had with my dog. You see, my dog talks to me, or at least I hear her voice in my head. Now before you go thinking I’m one sick puppy, I’m actually a well-respected psychotherapist and author. I don’t see dead people and I don’t channel ancient beings. Yet, evidently, I channel my little Golden mixed mutt. When I look at her, I seem to hear her thoughts in my head.

So recently, I asked my little Golden girl for her thoughts on the coronavirus. To my surprise, she had a lot to say. The first thing she mentioned was that it was making her very happy — which just happens to be her name — Happy. I thought this was a strange response from Happy, so I dug a little deeper. This is how the conversation went:

“Why is it making you happy, Happy?” I said with real curiosity.

Happy thought about my question for a long moment. “Because now you can spend more time with me! You pet me more and hug me more and play ball with me more. I really like it that you’re home all day.” Happy’s incessant tail wagging confirmed the feelings of joy she was experiencing.

“I can understand that,” I responded. “Yet, this virus is also causing a lot of suffering. People…