The Four Signs of the Relationship Apocalypse

In this era of high stress and low contact with others, learning how to love our mates effectively is more important than ever. From my many years of counseling couples, I’ve found that what most people want above all else in a relationship are moments of care, understanding, and empathy. (To remember this, you can use the acronym C.U.E.) When we feel our partner truly “gets us,” it feels fantastic. When our partner feels we understand their pain or we know their joy, they feel connected and loved by us. How sweet that can be. Regrettably, such moments are rare in most relationships.

While we all want to feel understood, the way we communicate nowadays is making this harder and harder. Even when communicating face to face, people often misunderstand each other. However, talking by phone, Zoom, or communicating by text or email makes empathic understanding even more challenging.

-Yes, emojis can sometimes help, but they certainly don’t replace the impact of a lover holding your hand and having their eyes well up with tears as you describe an awful day. We want to know that our partner truly cares, and often we don’t care what they have to say until we feel that they really do care.

When people are stressed, they generally don’t act at their best. Due to millions of years of evolution, when under stress we tend to do one of three things — we…